The Rough Road To Motherhood

They say that God doesn’t give you more than you can handle, but there are times when it is really hard to see how you will make it through…When my husband and I decided we wanted to start our family we had no idea how many challenges would be ahead for us. It was 2008,  I was 32 and he was 36. I went off the birth control pill in March and to our surprise I was pregnant in April. It all seemed so fast and easy, I think the reality hadn’t even sunk in until I started spotting mid month. After going back and forth to the doctors/urgent care each time I had bleeding for the next month, I learned that there are no guarantees in pregnancy. Each time they couldn’t tell me anything more than I could miscarry or the baby could be fine.

On June 13, a few days after my 33rd birthday, I had another exam. The doctor said everything looked “ok” but asked that I stop in to his office for a discussion after I was dressed. When I did, he coldly told me that my baby had died and what did I want to do about it…No offering condolences or asking if i needed to talk to someone, he just wanted to know if wanted a D&C and if so I had do go to a clinic since my insurance would not cover the procedure. I remember getting into the elevator and breaking down crying as I tried to call my husband to let him know. We discussed the options of a natural miscarriage and the D&C, and decided for a D&C so that we could try again soon.

The free clinic was one of the worst experiences I have ever had. I was surrounded by other girls/women who were there to abort their unwanted babies and I was there to have my wanted one removed. They have you undress and take your vitals as though you are part of a factory assemble line. Then one at a time they have you go to the procedure room. I wanted to tell the nurses and doctors that I lost my baby, that I was not having an abortion, but to them it was the same procedure and it didn’t matter why. I woke up in a room with other women who were also waking up from their own procedures, some moaning or crying out in pain. One girl kept asking the nurse when she could have sex again, which the nurse responded with “Maybe you should have a discussion about birth control first since this is not your first abortion”. Others were demanding pain medications or asking how soon until they could go home. I just laid there sad and silent. This is how it all started…